Ruse, Muse, Obtuse

Imagine if someday you are told that you don't really belong to this world. That you are part of some forgotten civilization. Most literature suggests that one would rise to the occasion. I guess that if one doesn't then they wouldn't be part of literature. After all literature is rarely about the cowards. No one wants to be spending time writing about them. Life as it may seem is guided by what is right and what is wrong. I wonder if i could ever write a book say from the perspective of someone like wormtail (Refer Harry Potter). May be in an alternate universe where black is white and white is black, it might happen. I sometimes wonder if the good qualities in this dimension is pure evil in another. or is good ,good in every dimension. I wonder if perspective can truly inter-change the definition of right and wrong. So far my perspective shifts have only let me to empathise with the other side. But i can not say that it truly interchanges right and wrong.
just a few moments ago i wished that there was something which could just record my thoughts and i could sift through them when i wasn't trying to sleep. I don't know how that would work since i write impulsively. I only pause to think when i edit, which is rare enough to be unmentionable. Back to the point i have a few ideas that might be worthy of patents. Though a thought recorder is way ahead of technology as i know it now.
when we are younger simple addition overwhelmed us, as we got older they became to simple. With this analogy Would humans be reduced to the level of simple organisms once we decode the human mind. From one perspective it seems like a computer of sorts driven by rules which will be decoded either by the humans themselves or by their creations in due course. May be some authors have got it right when they say we are a primitive species. This could be because there is so much we don't know. But mostly because there is so much we know which will make out lives better, but we have so far universally failed to adopt them.
We all need hope. Which is why I guess most of literature is about heroes. May be i just need tor read more tragedy's. I have not really read a book where the protagonist isn't doing something noble or the other even if it is at the very end.
Everything has a purpose. But why is there a purpose? Why is there an end and what is it? why is there evolution? Why isn't everything just a vacuum? Why does the universe exist and why does intelligence exist which gives rise to these questions?
I may never find the answered to these questions for I do not think that i will earnestly seek the answers. My experience tells me that it will require a massive change in perspective, which my current experience tells me is difficult because an experience of this kind is beyond reach just yet.
I sometimes wonder about those who survive horrible ordeals brought upon by their fellow humans. When innocent people just get caught in the cross fire. DO they feel lucky having lived thru it, achieve a certain peace or seek vengeance?
I know that forgiveness can truly help us move on. but is it possible to ask people to forgive when one has no where close to a fraction of that experience. How does one live with horrible memories? When i read/ hear about the sufferings of others my heart truly falters. How can the massive sufferings brought on by wars never stop us from going into them over and over again.
May be i will think of a peacock now. It is so colourful and shiny, it adds rich colour to any picture. A much calmer subject to ponder upon i think.