Ruse, Muse, Obtuse

Motherhood thou art lonesome. Some kind people like to inform you that it is exhausting. Sure I can deal with exhaustion. What they don't tell you that exhausting is just the closest way to describe it, the English dictionary needs a new word to describe what new mothers feel. I often like to think that being a new mother feels like falling in love every single day or every single hour or moment. The wait for that the one call or gesture feels like endless torture and at the moment it is received it washes one with a warmth that scrubs clean every one of those feelings from earlier. Its like that with your baby, thru the endless feeding, cleaning, pacifying and worrying that one smile, that one look, is pure ecstasy. Who else can boast of such a ready supply of every day giddiness. There are moments like now when the constant roller coaster leaves one too exhausted to sleep for even sleep is tiring.
Oh the trials! Knowing that the new found seemingly limitless patience is far too short. Yet the absolute bliss on seeing your baby's sleeping face, the joy of being playfully beckoned, the euphoria of seeing your babe learning something new, makes one forget the harshest of sentiments.
Sleepless Nights, two simple words that don't become as dreaded until one is in the middle of them. Sleepless nights do not encapsulate the long sleepless tiring days, which repeat themselves over n over again. How one finds the strength is unknown, perhaps there is an invisible IV line that goes to heaven or is being carried around by a helpful angel. Yet watching your baby awaken in the morning is as peaceful as watching the sun rise.
The hardest part about being a mother is constantly acknowledging one's own inadequacy. It is mind numbingly exhausting to buck up after feeling that you are failing on so many different levels and knowing that getting back up is a long steep slippery slope. The complete helplessness arises because one knows the baby is being a baby. Realizing that you are not able to cope with it, shows you a picture of yourself that isn't pleasant to see.
As the weeks pass on and the challenges change one tends to forget the difficulties and thru the passage of time forgets them entirely and only remembers the ecstasy . Perhaps this is why there is no word for exhaustion cause once you crossover you have no need for the word.

PS: A big love for my laptop which saved the draft without any prior instructions before spontaneously shutting down and to My hubby for taking the pains to edit this and put up with my late night rants